Originally posted on July 10, 2020

The rampage left everyone in the room quartered and bloodied.  The hostess who gave me the cold shoulder, the bratty 7-year-old who wouldn't stop throwing food at his little sister, the wimpy father who sat in the corner drinking vodka and tonic, and of course my friend who dragged me along to his family reunion.

No one survived.

It was a gratifying moment, for a moment. Only to be followed by feelings of isolation and desolation, because of course, no one was dead. They were all still moving, gossiping and verbalizing out loud all the critical thoughts I kept to myself, circumnavigating in my own mind. I didn't even know their names.

Once my critical dragon was done slaying the others, it began its much more efficient task of slaying me:

"What's the matter with you?"

"When are you going to get control your thinking?"

"They are really just people trying to have a good time."

"See the good in everyone...blah, blah, blah, blah, blabber chatter..."

My critical mind was indoctrinated at a very young age. 

"Look at the mess you left in your room!"

"Can't you do anything right?"

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times!"

My critical dragon grew strong and healthy and powerful over the years. She got so adept, that she could slay you in a way you couldn't even tell you were bleeding till sometimes hours or days later. She learned to be clever, quick witted, sly and how to make a great escape.

What no one ever taught me was how to slay her, my own critical dragon. It wasn't with violence, or threats or power. The only weapon that could truly destroy my critical dragon was the weapon of understanding and kindness.

We have to first understand our critical dragon in order to know how to be kind to her. She requires the right kind of kindness. Not the sappy placating kind but the deep recognition that, behind her unfettered criticism lives a great drive to connect, to feel a part of and to be seen as authentic. In order to know how to see her, it requires dropping all judgments of her. It requires not wanting her to be different than she is and not having any expectations of her.

Let's break it down to 3 simple steps.

When you are facing your critical dragon:

1. Detach: This is not who YOU are. It's simply HOW you learned to think.

2. Shift your awareness from your mind to your body: The nature of the mind is to be active, moody and changeable. Pause and breathe deeply. Shift your attention away from your mental processes and notice your physical body and breathing.

3. Pay attention to what you are feeling. When the mind gets critical its usually a cover up for some subtle emotional feeling, like frustration or fear or need. See if you can get in touch with it. This will bring you to understanding. Out of understanding what you're feeling it's easy to then bring about self kindness.

This is how you slay your critical dragon.