"Who do you think you are, young lady?"

I don't know when I first heard this or who actually said it. It could have been a babysitter, a neighbor, or my parents. Maybe it was one of the nuns or teachers at my Catholic grade school. Perhaps I imagined it. 

Regardless of where it came from, this question has rung very loudly in my mind for most of my life. It would instantly hijack my excitement and momentum every time I got that first spark of an idea or inspiration to do something. Here's how it went:

The idea comes in, and I feel excited. 

The question automatically pops into my head, "who do you think you are to do that?"

The answer to the question is always some version of "not enough." 

I am not good enough, important enough, smart enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, or old enough (later turning into not young enough), etc. 

The "not enough" response also included the stories of there's not enough time, money, or support (and the list goes on). 

The "not enoughness" story stemmed from a deep wound that played out powerfully from very early childhood into my adult life. My childhood interpretation that I am "not enough" helped to develop my nice girl persona. Since I believed that I was inherently not enough, I needed to be nice, sweet, quiet, helpful, and loving to be accepted and stay safe. I can't need anything, can't have my own opinion or say anything unless it's "nice." Anytime I felt a need, had a desire to be included, or wanted to share my thoughts, I'd hear (inside my head):

"Who do you think you are to speak up?" 

"Who do you think you are to take up space and be included?" 

"Who do you think you are to ask for something you need or want?"

And if I started to feel good about myself or proud of an accomplishment, the voice would say, "Don't be so full of yourself!"  So, I stayed quiet, played small, and tried to be helpful and sweet. And I never asked for anything. Never advocated for myself. Of course, this leads to poor boundaries, co-dependency, people-pleasing, over-giving, and the inability to receive. And, of course, people took advantage of my desire to be nice and loving and to over-give without asking for anything in return. I gave out a lot of love, time, money, and energy to others at the expense of my own well-being. 

I was stuck in these defensive behavioral patterns and my body was stuck in survival physiology (fight-flight-freeze-fawn). High amounts of stress hormones were surging through my system keeping me exhausted with lots of anxiety (tired but wired). There comes a point when the body can't maintain survival physiology any longer.

It came to me in my early 40's. I was burned out from the constant overgiving. I had a great job, but I worked hard and traveled a lot, which was really difficult as a single mom. My ex-husband was suffering from severe mental illness. This once very kind man was stalking and harassing me. I had a restraining order but didn't have the guts to report him when he violated it, which was often. The good co-dependent girl in me would feel sorry for him, give him money or food, and nicely tell him not to come back. He always came back. At the time, I wasn't consciously aware of the level of stress I was under. I started having panic attacks and had no idea why. It's so obvious now! But I was so stuck in the pattern that I couldn't see it then. 

The turning point came one day when my ex showed up in the middle of a manic episode and forced his way into my house. I'm not sure what was different, but this time, I was too pissed off to feel sorry for him. I was really, really pissed. Anger is an emotion that I wasn't very familiar with. Nice girls don't get angry. But the anger gave me the capacity to do something I should have done years before. I called the police. He was arrested. 

After the police took him away, I felt a massive sense of relief. Now, he can't show up and bother us. I can relax. That lasted only a few moments before the resentment came charging in. "I am so nice! I am so loving and giving and caring. I would never do this to anyone—how could this be happening to me?" That led to an outburst of rage.  Instead of my usual strategy of ignoring and repressing my emotions or dissociating, I let it ALL out.  I yelled and screamed.  I threw things and broke things.  I stomped all around my house and hit the wall a few times.  It felt really good.  I was actually very grounded in my body (a rare thing for me) And it felt amazing!

After the anger and resentment passed through my body, I had an experience that I will never forget. I heard inside my head, "Who do you think you are?" These are the exact words I have heard a million times in the past, but this time, they came from a different voice. It was pure curiosity, without judgment. This time, the question did not come from my wounded self or inner critic. It came from my higher self. 

I have always had a sense of my higher self—the self beyond my body. As an infant, I remember floating up in the corner of the room, looking down at my body. I remember purposefully leaving my body at night when I was sleeping. I know I'm not my body. I know I am a spirit experiencing life through the body. The problem was that my body's need for safety took charge, and somewhere along the way, I lost the connection with my true essence. 

Now, suddenly, after years of being identified as the nice girl, my higher self's voice came in louder than the wounded self's voice, asking me in a very gentle and loving way, "Who do you think you are?" 

Who exactly do I think I am? Am I a powerless victim who has been wronged and taken advantage of? No, that didn't feel true. I may have experienced being taken advantage of, but it's not who I am. 

This was the magical moment when I dared to believe that I was more than what the nice girl allowed herself to be. I finally had the courage to challenge the belief that I was not enough. 

What IF I am enough? What IF I am worthy of something better? As my curiosity grew, I began to sense the old but familiar feeling of my true self. This part of me is OK despite the chaos around me. As soon as I thought, "I'm OK,"  I started to feel OK in my body. I hadn't felt OK in my body for a long time.  Now, as I look back on this moment, I understand that by allowing myself to feel the emotions and move the energy through my body, I was able to regulate and attune to the wisdom within.  

Then I heard, "It's time to be full of yourself!" 

Wait, WHAT??!!?? That was definitely from my higher self because it felt really, really scary to my nice girl. Wow. I could actually FEEL the difference between these two parts. My higher self wanted me to be more authentic, strong, and powerful.  The wounded "nice girl" self wanted me to stay in the not-enough story to keep me safe. 

At that moment, I realized that I could choose to live from my higher self-perspective—that I am OK and I am enough—or I could choose to stay in the nice girl identity and play it safe. That fateful day 10 years ago feels like a birthday. That was the day I began the journey of embracing the spirit inside as my true self while also honoring the wounded part inside me with compassion and love for trying to keep me safe. 

My life changed drastically after that day because my identity shifted. The panic attacks ended immediately. Within a few months, I had the courage to quit my job and start my own business. I met the man of my dreams, got married six months later, and moved to a new city. Literally, everything changed for the better.  It was not easy.  But it was WAY better with my spirit in the lead instead of the nice girl trying to run the show.

10 years later journey is not over. The "not enough" story still shows up sometimes, but it doesn't rule my life the way it used to. Now, I can identify the wounded self when it gets triggered instead of identifying as it. 

Who do I think I am? I am a divine spiritual being having an incredible human experience, I am more than enough and I am happy to be full of my self.

Your Journey to 'Enough' Starts Here

If my story resonated with you, you’re not alone. So many of us have been conditioned to believe we’re not enough—but that couldn’t be further from the truth. You are more than enough, and it’s time to step fully into your power.

What’s Your Survival Pattern? Find Out Now!

The survival pattern I was stuck in is called The Merging Pattern—a deep-rooted response that kept me overgiving, people-pleasing, and disconnected from my true power. Recognizing it was the first step to healing.

✨ What about you? We all have unique Survival Energy Patterns that shape how we navigate life, relationships, and self-worth. Take my free Survival Patterns Quiz to discover your primary pattern and learn how to heal it. Take the Quiz HERE.

🌿 Join the Somagetics Sanctuary – my free online community where we dive deep into healing, spiritual growth, and breaking free from survival patterns. Inside, you'll find live calls, guided meditations, and a supportive space to reconnect with your true self. Sign up Here

✨ Want to go deeper? If you're ready to break free from old patterns and step into your highest potential, let’s work together. My Trauma Energetics Coaching Program combines somatic healing and intuitive guidance to help you reclaim your energy and transform your life. Learn More Here

You deserve to be full of yourself—your true self. I can't wait to walk this journey with you. 💛